lighter

its been about 8 weeks now, since i started on the eating program.

and im 5kg lighter.

it has NOT been difficult, interestingly enough. i have found myself eating more and feeling full but yet losing weight by the count of the metal square box that rests on my bathroom floor. even the tape measure wraps around me faster then before.

i have come to a realization though, that i must have ballooned up quite a bit, without me even knowing it. usually, when i am missing 5 kg, i notice a huge difference i.e. clothes are A LOT looser. not this time thou. i must have swelled up that much, that i need to swell down a lot more to feel it.

despite that, i have had comments by friends and family, saying that i look smaller.

its working.

im glad its working and hopefully by the end of 2008, one of my greatest desires will be fulfilled. that i would be 'normal'.

normal in the sense that medically, my BMI would be within the correct weight for height and that i would not be in the overweight/obese category. that i would find myself wanting to splash out on a pair of jeans that would accentuate my new figure.

that i would be more confident in myself....and that i would feel what it is like to be a beautiful woman....that i would be considered beautiful enough by a special someone to be their bride.

don't get me wrong.

i admit that once upon a time, in the foolishness of my youth (that is during my teenage years...im still in my twenties!), i always thought that looks were everything, that everything revolved around your appearance. how popular you were, how many kisses you got, how many bouquet of flowers you received all depended on how pretty you were.

nobody wanted to hang around a acne stricken, wobbly girl. they wanted to hang out with the slim, look-good-doing-anything girl.

and so i embarked on the years of diet fads and pimple solutions without much redemption.

and i did it all because i believed by being the clear-skinned, sun-tanned kissed, svelte girl, that i would be happier, that someone would like me and want me.

i grew up, naturally, and left behind those childish notions.

i have been loved without losing weight, without clear skin, without being the sort of person that i thought that i had to be, before i could be loved,

and so why am i still thinking of needing to lose weight....

simply because, i know its the right thing to do. to be healthy. to feel alive and not have my senses be dulled by the heaviness that i carry around, and not being able to enjoy things...i just simply want to be healthy and enjoy life!

also, because which husband-to-be in their right mind would be praying...

"lord, for the woman that im to love...let her be large...." =)

2:24 PM ·