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Bituwin -
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Dementee -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Friday, September 17, 2004
Challenged
Had small group last night with a bunch of beautiful girls. The second of our gathering amongst the many that will be held in the following months. So far so good. Group dynamics are working well, especially when my cell group leader, when first nominated for the job, was hesitant due to the 'constraints of age'. Age is just a number. There is no correlation between age and the level of matured thinking. Jean has done well, and is doing well with leading the group, especially with her enthusiastic nature thrown in to motivate the group. I can only sit aside and be humbled and stare. I am not one to be able to share the joy with hyperactive people. They astound me. They intrigue me. But it's just not me.
Aniwae's...
She challenged us to face our fears. She asked each one of us, what aspect of our lives do we seem to shy away from, and avoid it at all cost.
"I can't bring myself to talk during tutorial" was my answer.
I have never been one to work well in large groups. The only time that I differ in this is when the group that I am dwelling in, is one whom I have a reasonable level of familiarity, one which means that, should I say anything inconceivable, I will be promptly forgiven, and the the matter let to slide. But of course, that is a precieved notion of what I think happens.
My heart races whenever I have to say something during tutorial. It races to find it's finish line at my throat, and I go all red, which thankfully, may not be too noticeable seeing what my normal natural colour is.
Today in tutorial, was no different.
"Say it now Gwen, say it now...there is no time better then now, if you don't say it now, you know that you won't have the guts to say it later", and my heart bounds away.
"Isn't there like 2 types of desensitization processes?...yadayadayada..." There, I said it, please don't ask for more. Hmmmm, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. My heart slows down to a more normal physiological range compatible with living. One thing that I know, is that, should I speak, I will captivate my audience, only because, I don't speak! So for me to open my golden mouth, is a rarity...for now...but I don't really applaude the silence of everyone and their intent focus and stare at me. Just not used to being the center of attention I suppose.
After my mind blowing 'speech', I thought that I was safe, and have done what I have come to do. Noooooo...
My tutor had to single me out and ask me for my opinion about a question, for the first time in all my tutes. My mind drew blank, and someone had to be roped in to help me out.
God help me...I forsee that I have a long way to go.
Aniwae's...
She challenged us to face our fears. She asked each one of us, what aspect of our lives do we seem to shy away from, and avoid it at all cost.
"I can't bring myself to talk during tutorial" was my answer.
I have never been one to work well in large groups. The only time that I differ in this is when the group that I am dwelling in, is one whom I have a reasonable level of familiarity, one which means that, should I say anything inconceivable, I will be promptly forgiven, and the the matter let to slide. But of course, that is a precieved notion of what I think happens.
My heart races whenever I have to say something during tutorial. It races to find it's finish line at my throat, and I go all red, which thankfully, may not be too noticeable seeing what my normal natural colour is.
Today in tutorial, was no different.
"Say it now Gwen, say it now...there is no time better then now, if you don't say it now, you know that you won't have the guts to say it later", and my heart bounds away.
"Isn't there like 2 types of desensitization processes?...yadayadayada..." There, I said it, please don't ask for more. Hmmmm, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. My heart slows down to a more normal physiological range compatible with living. One thing that I know, is that, should I speak, I will captivate my audience, only because, I don't speak! So for me to open my golden mouth, is a rarity...for now...but I don't really applaude the silence of everyone and their intent focus and stare at me. Just not used to being the center of attention I suppose.
After my mind blowing 'speech', I thought that I was safe, and have done what I have come to do. Noooooo...
My tutor had to single me out and ask me for my opinion about a question, for the first time in all my tutes. My mind drew blank, and someone had to be roped in to help me out.
God help me...I forsee that I have a long way to go.