Lost in Limbo

I am feeling out of sorts. I am feeling empty. All of the sudden, it seems that I am alone. It's a scary thought. To realise that everything in life is not that 'real' afterall. Everything that we can feel with our senses, is not permanant. Everything thing that I once thought that I knew, that I knew so well, so certain, seems to have blended into eerie blurred vision. I can't see where I am going.

I guess it takes time to recover from the whirlwind of fun that I had in Melbourne. For 2 and a half weeks, I never had a defiency in company, never had a reason for a lack of friends. Only once in awhile, did I find some self-induced solitude. Otherwise, it was all purely wanted company and attention.

Being back in Brisbane, everything is so different. The people are different, the friends are different. Very different. Maybe it's a Queensland thing. It feels as though, brisbane is the place where I have to adapt to, my adopted home, whereas, Melbourne was home. I was myself. A different self.

Today was the first proper day back at Uni. I couldn't bring myself to go for the lectures(7:30am people!), besides I had a slight bout of affinity with the toilet seat. It felt as though, it was a psychological effect. It was my way of playing 'truant' and giving myself a physiological reason for not attending my lectures (of which, I didn't miss much apparently). But my undue absence did cause me to be ill-informed of a clinical visit that was cancelled, and as a result, I ended up attending the clincal with invisible bodies.

Coming home today, was different.

For the past 2 and a half weeks, I came 'home' to friends, and once in awhile, to a white ball of fur that came scampering out of the tiny crack through the door and whom responded to 'Bubbles'. I came home to warm and affectionate hugs and cuddles, to faces that smiled, and hello's that never sounded any more friendler, happier.

However, today and for the past few days since I have been back, it seems as though I come back to a household of strangers. Either that, or a household of echo filled corridors.

It is during these times, that the loneliness hits me the most. It scary how the loneliness, the emptiness can slowly creep up on you, and hit you.

God seems to be silent these days. I know He is around. Just that, its taking me awhile to get round to entering His presence.

I need you Lord. You are the only thing that I know that I can be certain of in my life, amongst all the uncertainties that I have to face daily.

1:52 PM ·