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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Monday, June 21, 2004
A Smile

“Gwen! You have to call him! He has finally agreed to meet up for lunch!”…

My heart almost skipped a beat. Could this be, that after almost a year and a half of wearing out the keys on the keyboard, that our conversations could finally take place face to face? Has that day come, where once spoken words, that were just expressionless sounds, could now be matched with something like a smile?

I have been dreaming about this day to come for so long, often thinking about how our first meeting would enfold, and played it over and over again in my mind. Would what I have so often replayed in my mind, be played out in real life as well?

“Okay, we will meet up at NYDC at Wheelock Place at 2:30pm, see you then, bye!”

NYDC? Did he actually remember that conversation that I had with him, about me missing the mud pies that NYDC served? Did he?

Butterflies in my belly.

2:30pm and I was at Borders, in the classical music section, listening to Pachabel Canon. Funny how I could have remembered that. My phone rang, and my partner in crime rang to ask where I was. They were already there, waiting for me, and she chided me for being late as usual. I explained, telling her that I didn’t want to risk having to meet him alone. I was scared.

He is in the same building as me. That mere thought sent tingles to my toes.

I walked. I walked with hesitancy, hesitant for fear that our first meeting may not turn out the way that I have been dreaming that it would be. However, my sense of curiosity was even greater. I was curious to find out about this man. I was curious to find out, what was it about him that had captivated my thoughts and had found his way into my dreams for so long. I was curious to find out, if he was all that I have imagined him to be.

He was sitting in the direction that I was coming from. He saw me before my friend noticed my arrival. I saw him mouthing “She’s here”.

He recognizes me? By far, I thought that I did a good job of sending him the smallest picture that I could find of myself. One taken ages ago, that wasn’t the truest reflection of my current looks. From that puny picture, that took me ages to contemplate about even sending him one, he could recognize me?

All this while, as I walked towards them, his eyes didn’t move away from me since he saw me. Why was he looking at me? Did I have stain on my shirt? Is my hair in a total mess? Is there some leftover lunch hanging from my mouth? Was that a smile that I saw?

Funny how, just from the way a person looks at you, a person that is special to you, and one whom you have thought so fondly of, can make you feel all beautiful inside.

Butterflies in my belly.

This is it Gwen, breathe, remember to breathe. Remember to smile.

I took a deep breath. “Hi” and smiled.

He was not all that I imagined him to be. He was more then I imagined him to be.

Butterflies in my belly.

So tonight, I'll ask the stars above,
how did I ever win your love?
What did I do, or what did I say
To turn your Angel eyes my way

-Angel Eyes by Paulini, Australian Idol